First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! Wishing all the best for 2011 for my followers as well as those who just happen to stop by at random.
Now, enough with the formalities, already.
It was about time I changed the layout of my blog. The pink background suddenly became a little too daunting, to be honest. However, I'm still sticking to the tree theme. Might change it from time to time according to my mood and/or the season. Anyway, this one was white, clean and relaxing. Me like.
Apparently this should be the time wherein I make a review of 2010, so here goes:
2010 for me was a time with major revelations about myself, matters concerning my loved ones, the future and other people of my acquaintance. I'm tempted to go as far as to say that 2010 was one huge epiphany, really, but that would perhaps draw it a little too far. One huge milestone was that of me finally reaching my long-standing goal of becoming a teacher. The dream that I'd had ever since I was a child suddenly became a reality to me. The wait, as it were, was over. That in itself was a rather strange realization. Mind you, I think there is a part of me that still can't really believe that I've reached that level already. Nonetheless, it's right there on my diploma and grade transcript. It's just the same feeling I had when I completed my last exams for Senior High. A strange sensation that it was all over and that I'd done all that was required of me and that I was to head off to some (not-too-distant) shore to hopefully reach new goals. Now that I've reached them - well, almost all of them - it's almost like some kind of emptiness there. There's nothing major left to strive towards, in a sense. Sure, I do have my exams for my master's and my master's thesis, but to me that isn't entirely the same. I belong to a profession now. I am a qualified teacher. And there is no other word in my vocabulary that can describe the sensation I still feel inside other than just the mere monosyllabic adjective "strange". Because that's exactly what it is.
Throughout that process I also learnt the importance of just not giving a d*** about certain things. Heh, actually a lot of things. Neuroticism, sulking and over-analyzing is not necessarily beneficial in all cases. Being an ambitious perfectionist is an advantage, though it should not be taken to extreme lengths, or else the consequences might turn out worse than expected. Just leave it and let nature take its own course. Or if you don't want certain things to happen, then don't make an effort to make them happen just because other people want them to. You are the protagonist in your own life, so act only in ways that you can justify for yourself (and for the Man Upstairs, if you are inclined to turn to Him from time to time).
Speaking of the Man Upstairs, I believe I've also grown somewhat more reflected in my approach to Him. I've grown more accustomed to letting Him speak to me through silence and meditation, but as with riding a bike, this takes a bit of time to learn properly. Let's just say that the handlebars are still wobbling. Nonetheless, over the years I've grown fond of meditation in its different forms.
I also realized that progress is a benefit, but that it shouldn't bear the entire weight at the cost of ignoring the past and one's roots. This partially touches on what I wrote two paragraphs above, but also on other aspects of life. Denying one's roots means denying part of one's self. After all, the past contributes in defining you as a person, whether you like it or not. How one can pluck up the courage to do that at the snap of a finger is beyond me. Obviously this can be defended in certain cases, but in other cases this would require a great deal of thought. As regards the cases I have in mind, how one can do that as if it were just a matter of changing clothes - or just a whim - is to me a rather strange approach. Sometimes I feel rather old when I say these things... Guess I probably am an old soul...
Nonetheless, some things just cannot be changed. I will probably remain a scatterbrain for the rest of my life (sorry, people...), but I'm working as hard as I can on softening the blow, as it were. Which perhaps might account for my seemingly perpetual neuroticism. :)
Furthermore, there are some things that I don't want to change either, like my idea of having fun and being positive, random and geeky (or with a slightly concealed, yet still blatantly condescending air, "being childish"). Call me naive if you will, but I don't want to mope around all the time like so many people seem to do nowadays. When I look at several people my age (and older) in shops or in the streets it sometimes makes me wonder if this is how people define being an adult; the more you sulk, the more mature you are and the more accredited you should be because of it. A long time ago I learnt one of life's biggest lessons the hard way. This is already a well-established cliché, but I'll say it anyway: Live each day as if it were your last. Don't waste every inhale and exhale, every blink, every moment with complaining about life. Turn it around into something positive. Sometimes it may not seem as if fate has dealt you a good card in life - and ok, so you won't get that royal flush - but that gives you no reason to continue being negative and/or look down on anyone else just because you have a certain inclination towards a half-empty cup! Count your blessings and you'll discover that you're richer than you'd originally thought. If you still find reason to complain, shut up. There's more than enough negative energy in this world and there's no need to feed the fire any further.
Still, be sure to not forget those who clearly need you. Stay with people who require your aid, either by your physical presence with them, or through other means. After all the natural disasters that last year brought with it, this is a clear sign that we're extremely co-dependent. Remaining family members of deceased loved ones still need support, prayers and aid. People suffering from illness, be it temporary or long-term, likewise.
Hokai. That's enough vagueness from me. In other words, 2010 has been quite a year, really. I reckon it has been a year filled with experiences, both good and bad. Still, the idea of starting off yet another year, clean and crisp, yet to be filled with new experiences and new ways of making amends, is comforting. Most likely, it is probably so for most people. As for those who see no end to it, you are still in our hearts and minds. In correspondence with the co-dependent nature of people, we will continue to fight with you for a better everyday life.
So, in the hope of a better 2011, I sign off with one of my all-time favorite songs and all-time favorite music vids by one of my all-time favorite musicians. I need not introduce him.
Signing off (weehee),
Elise
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