I'm getting tired of this bull.

Lord, give me strength. Again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

FROM: THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL
MR.KOÏCHIRO MATSUURA (UNESCO AWARD INC)
PRIZE AWARD DEPT.

REF NO:ELX23649/441
BATCH NO: 005874652/252

ATTN: WINNER.

RE: AWARD NOTIFICATION, FINAL NOTICE.

We are pleased to inform you, that as a result of our RECENT LOTTERY DRAWS HELD 2008.

Your e-mail address attached to winning number:
kST/571/UNNP with serial number:345 drew lucky
numbers: 10 which consequently won in the 5th
category.

you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) in cash credited to file with REF:?.NDP/EGS2309/05

Note that all participants in this lottery program have been selected randomly through a computer ballot system drawn from over 10,000 Officials and 15,000,000individual email addresses from all search engines and web sites,from Asia, Australia, NewZealand, Europe, North and South America, Middle East and Africa, as part of our International Promotions Program.

This promotional program takes place every year,and is promoted and sponsored by theUnited Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization with the help of Bilgate of microsoft and computers.

THIS IS DESIGNED TO IMPROVE THE LEVEL OF EDUCATION AMONGST STAFF AND STUDENTS AND ENCOURAGE THE USE OF INTERNET ACCROSS THE GLOBE.

Your fund is now deposited with Union Bank and insured in your name For security purpose and clarity,we advise that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to your account.

This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claims and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

We look forward to your active participation in our next 1. million dollars slot.

To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact your claims agent through our accredited Prize Transfer agents as stated below:

Name..(DR) MARTIN JOHNSON.

TEL: +234-703-391-8573

CALL HIM IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS ABOVE DIRECT PHONE NUMBER IF YOU ARE CALLING FROM (USA) THIS IS HOW YOU DIAL 011-234-703-391-8573 .

You are also advised to provide your claim agent with the under listed information as soon as possible send it to his email addresses below,

E-mail: drmartin227@yahoo.com


1. Name in full
2. Address
3. Nationality
4. Age
5. Occupation
6. Phone
7. Batch/ref numbers

All winnings must be claimed not later than one month After the date of this notice.Please note,in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications,remember to quote your Batch number and Serial numbers in all correspondence.

Furthermore,should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations!!!once more and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Bear in mind that 10% of your fund will be going to the lottery organization that played the lottery with peoples name and email addresses that should be after you most have received the fund in your account,the 10% would have been given to them,just because the fund has been insured and will not be deducted till the beneficiary receives it in his or her account.

Sincerely,
MR.KOÏCHIRO MATSUURA.
THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL.
UNESCO AWARD INC.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Once again another scam was bestowed upon yours truly and her innocent uni mail address. And the grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes nearly knocked me out. Mind you, this was considerably better than the previous mail I'd gotten from... err... what-his-name, but still, there's no hope for 'em.

Firstly, there is NO SUCH ORGANIZATION AS "UNESCO AWARD INC" (with and without the full stop after "inc"). The only hits I got were two, which described this letter as being little more than a scam. Furthermore, there are orthographic mistakes (e.g. too much space, too little space, lower-case instead of upper-case letters and PUNCTUATION) and evidence of stylistic mistakes. ARGH.

And what's up with "Bilgate of microsoft and computers"??? What is this "bilgate" thing; some sort of armadillo?! And the postmodifier is one of the lousiest excuses of a grammatical construction I have ever seen. It just screams credibility, doesn't it?! Not to mention the following sentence, which they so generously bestowed upper-case letters upon: "THIS IS DESIGNED TO IMPROVE THE LEVEL OF EDUCATION AMONGST STAFF AND STUDENTS AND ENCOURAGE THE USE OF INTERNET ACCROSS THE GLOBE."

I can hear the subliminal message now: "So yeah, you can really trust us on this one. It's for educational purposes. Honest."

And do I REALLY need directions for how to dial a phone?! "THIS IS HOW YOU DIAL"??? HOW UTTERLY DUMBASS DO YOU THINK I AM?! I think I know how to count and use my phalanges and the surrounding muscles and tendons to guide my index finger to the buttons on my phone to which the given numbers correspond! I am pretty sure I was not born yesterday. Hm, come to think of it, all of the sentence in itself is quite nasty: "CALL HIM IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS ABOVE DIRECT PHONE NUMBER IF YOU ARE CALLING FROM (USA) THIS IS HOW YOU DIAL 011-234-703-391-8573 ." Why place the US in parentheses? Does that mean I cannot call them? Does that mean I cannot collect my "prize"?

Bummer.

And did you notice that there was absolutely NO trace of a full stop at the first mention of the so-called "director-general", his name and his alleged workplace? No indication of an abbreviation whatsoever? Did you also notice that there were almost too many at the last mention of the "director-general" at the end of this mail? ("Oops, I forgot to put in the full stops at the very beginning. Well, it's too late to change it now. I've got to get to the streets and sell illegal drugs within the next 2 minutes, so I gotta complete this now before it's too late. I'll just compensate with putting the full stops at the end, then. I'm sure the reader will understand.")

So, over to the email address: "drmartin227@yahoo.com". Yeah. Seriousness galore. Especially when you see that this is a Yahoo! email address. The address I received it from was also on the same level of seriousness: "unesco.inc08@luckymail.com". "Luckymail"??? Heh. Indeed.

You'd think that "UNESCO Awards, Inc." would have their own domain being as renowned as UNESCO is, but no. I reckon this is because of all of their lotteries. They should cut down on that crap and spend it on someone who really needs it instead of focusing on all of these unprofessional pastimes.

We are not amused.

Signing off (and starting to get a little annoyed at such spam entering my uni email),
Elise