So... uh... long time...

You know you haven't been visiting/writing in your blog for a long time when you forget you have an unmoderated comment pending in your comment inbox. Huh.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've been able to really just sit down and post something random here. Guess both me and my blog self have really been on a hiatus for quite some time.

I do get times wherein I just want to write something on this humble pink blog, but nothing seems to really come out the way I want it to. Am I losing my knack at it? Or have I just subconsciously abandoned it? Hm. A question that will most likely remain a mystery.

Or, well, maybe not.

Over these past couple of years, I've been feeling somewhat confined in terms of what I should write both here as well as on Facebook and Twitter. I guess for some reason that the whole idea of publishing things for the whole world to see had become somewhat intimidating for me through these years. Consequently I haven't allowed myself to really let go and write about all the things I really want to write about. I've feared public scrutiny (in more ways than simply through this blog, Facebook and Twitter, mind you), which in turn has led me to become more insecure as a person. Overly careful, some might coin this; or even neurotic. For those of you who really know me, you may perhaps know what I'm talking about, and if you don't -- well, sometimes when I may seem quite calm, inside there might be utter chaos.

This is what I want to do something about, really. Last night I realized this; I had a small equivalent of an epiphany, if you like. What I need to do is really just to pucker up and stand up for myself. It may sound clichéd, but last night the message really came through to me. So yeah, it really dawned on me how influential social acceptance has been in my life up to now. Perhaps it's time to break with some of this. Refrain from worrying about what other people might think of what I believe in and do and just not give a rat's ass about it.

But it's funny, though, to think about how influential other people's regard for you have on yourself. I believe other people influence us more than we are even aware of. I guess mankind is quite pack-oriented. We have the classic dominant personae in our society - both considering society at large as well as in smaller communities, even groups of friends - and we have those that are more, shall we say, subordinate; the people who are guided by the dominant parties and who do little to exert power or influence, seeing as they consider themselves to be a weaker element in the group anyway. Then there are the people inbetween, who are influential to the dominant parties, yet still subordinate per se. I see this division in all kinds of settings, especially in group settings like our group of friends, colleagues, classrooms, even in my own family, though the distribution of these three might vary from group to group.

Ok, this may sound quite tedious to you, but it was quite an eye-opener to me, really.

Anyway, better dash. Off to Bedfordshire soon, just need to pray the rosary first and we'll see if I'll be bothered to stay up any further tonight. :-)



Signing off,
Elise

Small talk, metablogging and something to get y'all through the weekend.

It's been eons since my last blog. I should get a grip on myself! Seriously.

Finally some time to ever-so-gently place my arse on a chair and sit in front of the computer to blog. Although I don't really feel much like blogging. Or, well, I do, but a complete willingness within is not present.

Aunt, uncle and cousin headed home for about 2 hrs ago. The house is so quiet now. Suddenly now it feels like something's missing. Like our family is not complete without them. Strange, but it'll wear off after a while. Besides, I'll be heading back soon myself so definitely no worries there.
I'm still feeling kinda unprepared to go back to uni. There are a few things that I feel I need to get done before I can really get started. Actually I feel kinda nervous thinking about which school I'll do my teacher training in. How will it turn out? How will the pupils act?

I seriously hope they won't be like the way we were in Elementary + Junior High. *shiver* Mind you, we gave our teachers a really tough time, Maths in particular. We (or rather, some of the guys in our class who shall remain nameless) wore out one teacher after another until we graduated with one teacher who simply refused us to get at him. Patient to the extreme, he was. Bless him. Never raised his voice once. Not sure if I want to be that kind of teacher, though. Keep everything cooped up inside and not letting your students know how infuriated you are with them. Patience is of the essence, yes, but when someone stretches it enough, I'll snap. One way or another.

Anyway, worries aside, just got back from our stay at the cabin. Really nice trip. Even though it wasn't perhaps as quiet as we'd reckoned it to be, it was still very fun. Playing Scrabble and singing our hearts out with our Magic Microphone (the Filipino near-equivalent to Singstar), fishing, sleeping as long as we wished (almost), laughing like heck, and driving around enjoying the scenery. Virtually no disturbances at all. *sigh*

Hm. I don't really have much to say at the mo. I blame that speck of unwillingness to blog. Sometimes when I blogged, I used to end up writing endlessly long posts. Have a look at some of my earlier posts and you'll know what I mean. Now, however, not so much. Strange. It just doesn't come to me as often as before, I guess. The wish to really write something, I mean. Nowadays it just seems to be small talk. Such as this. There are tons of thoughts just waiting to be written down, philosophies on life, love, work, etc., but for some reason I never have access to a computer whenever these thoughts crop up. Bah. Just my luck, I guess.

So, what's my answer to that? Isolate myself from the rest of the world for hours a day in front of the computer waiting for these thoughts to emerge from my subconsciousness? Obviously the answer is "no". So what do I do? Accept it's just a matter of timing? Yeah, why not?

Ooh, randomness! Don't think I've posted this before, but just found a clip from early SNL, from a skit called "Coffee Talk" with host Linda Richman. Yes, it's Mike Myers, the guy behind Austin Powers and yes, he speaks Yiddisch (*heart*). Apparently he based this character on his ex-mother-in-law. Gotta love the accent!

A third affirmative: Yes, Madonna and Roseanne Barr are on the show as well. Watch, laugh and watch out for schpilkes in your genecktickezoink!



Another one with Linda and Barbra Streisand, her idol. If this doesn't get you verklempt, I don't know what will. :-P



*rofl*

Oh, and check out ("Mrs.") Stephen Fry's blog too, while you're at it: http://mrsfrysdiary.blogspot.com/ Definitely a source for some laughs -- or at least a chuckle or two. ;-)



Signing off,
Elise