Speechless.

There are few people out there that can really spellbind me with their writing, but I believe Adam Young is one of these selected few. Whenever I read his blog posts I am nothing short of mesmerized. His way of describing his emotions and happenings in his life is nothing short of immaculate. (With the odd typo here and there, however, but with that skill of writing, who cares?!) Reading his posts is almost like diving into his mind and exploring the gorgeous things that are going on inside of it - and what a beautiful mind it is (excuse the movie reference; that was not intended).

He a devout Christian, but this reason for me adoring his writing is far outweighed by his beautifully described musings. He has the ability reserved only a few to not touch on a subject and barely scratch the emotional surface of it, but rather to touch on a subject and hold on to the emotion, the episode, the image, for a much longer time than many others. When you think that all words have been used and the topic has been exhausted, you're suddenly served another platter of delightful collocations, metaphors and other imagery.

This is one of those blogs wherein you're left with a fuzzy feeling in your stomach and a sense of serenity whenever you're done reading one of his posts; especially after having read one of his more profound gems. (Because that's exactly what they are - gems.) It is always so intriguingly satisfying to experience the unfurling of the story he writes about in your head. As if it were a bud slowly opening up and becoming a beautiful flower which you cannot see before you've read the entire post. Color me overly poetic if thou wishest, but I'm truly fascinated by his writing skills. It's almost as if I wish he were to write a novel of some sorts to get all of this indescribably beautiful writing on paper and stuck between two covers.

How refreshingly reassuring it is that there are people like him out there. Guess this indicates that there is, in fact, hope for this poor wretched world of ours. That there is a light - however faint - at the end of the all-too-known tunnel.


Signing off (mesmerized),
Elise

Procrastination

Think I've used that word as a title for a previous blog entry, although I'm not quite that sure. I might be relating this to something else rather than just a mere post.

Things are ok. Gotten good results for 2/3 mandatory assignments. Now trying to write up the final assignment, i.e. the description of my Master's thesis project. But I just can't be bothered at the moment. I've already done some research into articles and studies I can refer to and read up a little on them, but the energy level willingness to do anything just isn't there. In other words, once again I experience the well-known urge to procrastinate.

I'm sure you all know that "procrastination is the enemy of time" (or at least I think that's what my mom usually says), but in a sense there's something quite nice about focusing on something else rather than just your academic passion(s). Just like today, which I intend to make into a "sewing day" wherein I'll be folding pajama pants and... eh... something else. I must admit that this kind of fits with the whole housewife concept of the 50s and 60s. All I need is just a polka-dot dress, an apron, cat-eye glasses and red lipstick, and I'm there. :) And to be honest, at the moment I don't mind either!

Lately I've been totally immersed in this period (post-Baseballs concert syndrome, a.k.a. PBC syndrome). Not only did this period involve the reconstruction of the gut-wrenchingly immense damages after WWII, but everybody just seemed to have such a happy-go-lucky attitude to life, perhaps to make amends for the bleak war years. And then at the end of the 1960s the world lost its innocence; or should I say that that the youth lost its innocence. We were finally forced to see the world as it is and we were completely disgusted by what we saw. Again. But this time it was not caused by a deranged madman as had happened just 20 years prior to this time. It was caused by a supposedly helpful, generous, good and decent world power.* And perhaps as a consequence of this (including several other factors, obv.), the youth had a fervent need to escape from their lives. Enter hallucinogenic drugs, psychedelia and Oriental religions to find something to cling to in the midst of all the pessimism and disappointment of life.

Looking at footage from the infamous Woodstock music festival of '69 I find I laugh out loud when I hear their opinions on several issues. The naiveté of people back in those days is nothing short of risible. They seem so lost; damsels in distress - even the guys. If they really were fitting representatives of the youth culture back in those days, let's just say that the evolution from that until how we are today is nothing short of impressive (and fortunate, to say the least).

Anyway, these are just random thoughts not to be taken seriously (that is, if the reader may be offended of these general musings). Now, to ramble off to watch James Bond... One of those classic ones... :)

Signing off (sashaying over to telly),
Elise

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*Mind you, I do not adhere to those people who generally despise the US. Sure, the whole issue with the US monitoring/supervising areas outside their embassies in Norway, Denmark and Sweden is extremely frowned upon. At the moment, at least, media focus has been on this, which in turn has generated a general sense of disdain. However, if we look at the more general picture, if it hadn't been for their intervention in several global conflicts fewer of them would have been resolved. Color me naive if you wish, but if you have the means to help others, by all means do so - but an elaboration on this will be reserved for a future post.

*awkward silence*

Men are confusing. I'm sure they think the same way about us, though.

A couple of months ago the electricity was all out in our building and I'd ventured out in the hallway, as I heard some other people talking there. I talked to one of my neighbors there and we sort of had the same interests and shared the same kind of randomness. He was interested in watching "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", so I lent him my DVD. He also asked me if he could come over some day for a cup of tea or something, so I said "Yeah, sure" and left it at that. This was in September. Now it's November and I've only just now gotten back my DVD and still no sign of that coffee or tea thing. You who know me reasonably well, know that I am an old-fashioned gal. In other words, I strongly believe that the guy should make the first move instead of me, be it in terms of a friendship - as was this case - or something "more substantial", if you will. Not a peep from his part for over 2 months. I even went as far as to ring his doorbell several times (when I hadn't gotten my DVD back). He himself had asked me to do so, but there was no answer whatsoever. I even left plucked up the courage to stick a post-it note yesterday on his front door to ask him if there was supposed to be any get-together. The note's still hanging there and I haven't heard a peep from him. As in so many times before, there appears to be this infamous awkwardness hovering between our front doors when it comes to getting in touch with each other.

This is something totally beyond me. The few times we'd talked together, he himself expressed the ridiculousness of not getting in touch, as we only live 5 steps from each other. Yet he still doesn't get in touch, at least as far as I know. So my question is: Why does it have to be so difficult to converse with members of the other sex? Why should it be so difficult to initiate a strictly platonic friendship with a guy? Why is there such an insane amount of awkwardness in this process? Is there anything that can be done at all to prevent or remove any kind of tension? Again, why is this process so difficult?! I mean, I can talk to them and strike up some excellent conversations - there's no problem in that department - but ultimately it seems as if there's always this kind of strange cloddishness in the air between us. And that's what bugs the living daylights out of me.

Furthermore, if he didn't mean what he'd said or if he'd changed his mind during these past few months, it would be nice to actually be informed about this instead of leaving it all hanging out there like a dangling participle. If he doesn't want a friendship, that's entirely fine by me, but I'd appreciate being informed instead of just sitting there wondering if it was something I'd said. Heck, I stuck a freakin' post-it note to his door. If he doesn't want to knock on my door and tell it to me straight, he could at least have had the decency to respond through another post-it note. Just saying. Bah.


Signing off (inelegantly),
Elise


(Edit: He answered my post-it note and showed up.)

The missing link (pun intended)

Just finished watching "The Linda McCartney Story" (again). I must say it's quite amazing, really, to see two people who have such an incredible connection. I mean, you don't need a movie to establish the fact that Paul and Linda had one incredible relationship and such an immensely beautiful love for one another (and for their children, for that matter), but watching interviews and movies of this sort kinda makes it all the more... well, alive, in a sense. I mean, they were indeed soul mates and best friends; the latter especially being the case after the Beatles broke up and Paul was at rock bottom. They were so similar in so many ways: idealists, passionate animal rights activists, vegetarians (obv.), artists in their own right and I bet great parents to their kids as well. Theirs is a relationship I truly admire. Obviously besides that of my parents, which is the epitome of all successful and tightly-knit marriages of my knowledge (of course I'm biased).

I love watching people and sensing such a connection between them. A platonic connection is one thing, but this is a completely different ballgame. Sensing this kind of unified vibe from them, yet not bordering over to the tacky and lovey-dovey mush, now that's nothing short of awesome. And reassuring, mind you. Reassuring in the sense that there is hope for mankind.

I have a tendency to fluctuate a bit when it comes to watching the news. Sometimes I simply have to watch it like there's no other option, but other times (like these past few days) I simply can't stand it. There's too much negative energy being released in this world. If it isn't a coverage on war and/or a conflict involving physical violence, then there's rape, mugging, corruption, blackmail and insincerity. I tell you, there's too much of this crap. Way too much.

Those are the times when I'm reminded of something Elizabeth Bennet once said (*sigh* P&P again...): "The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." *scoffs* You and me both.

Yes, I realize I do sound like some old hippie when I say all of this, but I really lose faith in humanity sometimes. Just like in times like these. Ergo we need to focus on all the good stuff; acknowledge the bad stuff happening and try to do something about it, but not let it get to our heads. Or else we'll all go mental. So focus on the little things; even the tiniest specks of goodness that can brighten up your day whenever you feel like there's no hope in the world. In a larger scale, perhaps look at the people you admire and try to change your life accordingly to -- pardon the cliché -- make the world a better place in your own little way.

Ok. Rambling again. Not sure if that many people out there will be bothered reading yet another long sequence of nonsense, but just needed to get this out. Bet several of you readers know what I'm talking about.

Watching this movie kinda made me a little envious of the relationship that Paul and Linda had. My initial reaction, now as after the first few times I'd watched this movie, was one of sympathy for Paul, really. Looking at how his life has been after his wife died, you kinda start thinking that these women he's been seeing are sort of thought to be compensations for Linda. They're not at all immaculate, but at least he might believe that they show a small reflection of his late wife. Hence why he clings to them. However, the most overriding reason would probably be that he can't stand feeling alone. Now that his kids have all grown up, many of which having families of their own, he is searching for another "post-soul-mate" lifelong companion again. Hence why he remarries. Then when the relationship starts getting a bit iffy, he/she/they file for divorce and he's left alone again. And continues searching. I'm probably not the only one who's got this theory.

Anyway. A slight digression there. As I said, I kind of envy the relationship Linda and Paul had. This was the following reaction I had. Missing having that connection with someone. Having one with your parents, friends, and relatives is one thing, but sometimes you kinda wonder how you're going to turn out in the end. I am a firm believer in that there's one person out there who's meant for you. I believe that God's plan for us is to give us a series of individual challenges here on Earth and when we pass a certain number or kind of them, we may be entitled to get to know this person with whom we're going to spend the remainder of our lives here on Earth -- and meet more challenges; this time together. Either that, or be a spinster/bachelor (cf. in my case, be the "weird cat lady"), or serve Him. Whatever He chooses.

I have my moments wherein I start thinking about where my "mystery man" is, my "missing link", if you will; if he's wondering where I am, what he's doing, or even if he exists. Or if he does exist, if he ever wonders if I exist. I eventually reason out that if he does exist, we already have a special subliminal subconscious connection; that our souls communicate with each other even though we ourselves are unaware of the other's existence or response. Cute thought? Probably. Naive? Not in my mind, it ain't. As most of us already know, there are more things between Heaven and Earth, so why should not this be one of them? We are still quite unaware of the mechanisms of the stirrings of the soul, so again, why not? I've already gotten way past the phase wherein I was simply in love with being in love. It's a long process, but I've started to see past that now and really focus on the inherent connection.

So yeah, I'm still constructing my future at the moment and I'm still waiting per se, but I've asked Him (and him) that he not enter into my life just yet. Not until everything is settled. This thing has to be put on hold at the moment. And if I'm not wrong, he probably feels the same way, too. It's all up to what He wants, though. I'm kind of excited to find out.

Anyway, enough rambling, more sleep. "But before we go" (Kermit the frog revisited), I thought I'd share one of my all-time favorite songs with you -- coincidentally being Paul's homage to his soul mate.





Signing off,
Elise

So... uh... long time...

You know you haven't been visiting/writing in your blog for a long time when you forget you have an unmoderated comment pending in your comment inbox. Huh.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've been able to really just sit down and post something random here. Guess both me and my blog self have really been on a hiatus for quite some time.

I do get times wherein I just want to write something on this humble pink blog, but nothing seems to really come out the way I want it to. Am I losing my knack at it? Or have I just subconsciously abandoned it? Hm. A question that will most likely remain a mystery.

Or, well, maybe not.

Over these past couple of years, I've been feeling somewhat confined in terms of what I should write both here as well as on Facebook and Twitter. I guess for some reason that the whole idea of publishing things for the whole world to see had become somewhat intimidating for me through these years. Consequently I haven't allowed myself to really let go and write about all the things I really want to write about. I've feared public scrutiny (in more ways than simply through this blog, Facebook and Twitter, mind you), which in turn has led me to become more insecure as a person. Overly careful, some might coin this; or even neurotic. For those of you who really know me, you may perhaps know what I'm talking about, and if you don't -- well, sometimes when I may seem quite calm, inside there might be utter chaos.

This is what I want to do something about, really. Last night I realized this; I had a small equivalent of an epiphany, if you like. What I need to do is really just to pucker up and stand up for myself. It may sound clichéd, but last night the message really came through to me. So yeah, it really dawned on me how influential social acceptance has been in my life up to now. Perhaps it's time to break with some of this. Refrain from worrying about what other people might think of what I believe in and do and just not give a rat's ass about it.

But it's funny, though, to think about how influential other people's regard for you have on yourself. I believe other people influence us more than we are even aware of. I guess mankind is quite pack-oriented. We have the classic dominant personae in our society - both considering society at large as well as in smaller communities, even groups of friends - and we have those that are more, shall we say, subordinate; the people who are guided by the dominant parties and who do little to exert power or influence, seeing as they consider themselves to be a weaker element in the group anyway. Then there are the people inbetween, who are influential to the dominant parties, yet still subordinate per se. I see this division in all kinds of settings, especially in group settings like our group of friends, colleagues, classrooms, even in my own family, though the distribution of these three might vary from group to group.

Ok, this may sound quite tedious to you, but it was quite an eye-opener to me, really.

Anyway, better dash. Off to Bedfordshire soon, just need to pray the rosary first and we'll see if I'll be bothered to stay up any further tonight. :-)



Signing off,
Elise